“We give time to what we love.” – John Bradshaw

You know me. I give a lot of advice.

Mostly unsolicited (sorry about that).

I can’t help it. I’ve made so many mistakes, and learned so many profound lessons because of them. I feel it would be selfish of me to keep it all to myself.

That is why I sit down at my computer each week, sometimes staring blankly at the screen wondering what I’m going to write about (are those crickets I hear?). Other weeks, I can’t get to the computer fast enough to get my thoughts down. My fingers can barely catch what my brain is firing off for them to type.

Sometimes it’s super personal (like loving my body, and oops – did you catch that article I wrote for Babble about sex after baby? Pretty sure I talk about the new noises my….*ahem*….body….makes since my pelvic floor took such a beating from being pregnant and giving birth…).

Sometimes it’s humorous (ok, I always try to make it humorous, because, well, why the heck not?).

Sometimes it’s self deprecating (that happens a lot).

Whatever “it” is, it’s always honest, and the intention behind it is always to help others see that if they feel the same way, they are not alone. Whatever insane thoughts you’ve never shared with anyone, I’ve probably had them too.

So I write about them (and close my eyes when I post them for fear that I have over shared my deepest, most personal thoughts…yet again).

At times you might think, “Woah! She’s crazy!” (spoiler alert: sometimes I am), and at other times, you may find yourself laughing hysterically at the screen because you can totally relate (and ducking down a bit for fear that I might be able to see you).

I love all of your reactions, no matter what they be.

So yes. I coach. And I do it by sharing my experiences of tripping, falling on my face, and getting up again trying to walk it off with my shiny new lesson.

Until the next fall.

(There is always a next fall).

And I love it. I love to make other people feel good. I love to help facilitate others in seeing how amazing they really are. I love guiding them through to an “aha” moment that frees them from the limitations of their minds and propels them into a life they thought was only reserved for their dreams.

It’s a high like no other.

Because as business and life coach, Marie Forleo, says, we all have that special gift, that something that no one else on this planet has.

No one.

And if I can play even a minuscule role in helping you uncover what that special gift is, I am the lucky one.

But lately, I’m feeling disconnected. Disconnected from my writing, my purpose, and frankly, my work life. I love being my daughter’s mama! But by being fully present for her, I find myself being really not present for my writing. I write in snippets of time I catch throughout the day here and there, rather than really being able to sit down, think a concept through, and write about it for hours. And because of this lack of focus, I find myself asking:

What the hell am I doing? What is my special gift, really? Because it sure as heck feels really cloudy right now. Am I really helping anyone? Or am I delusional and just making myself crazy for nothing?

What do I want to be when I grow up?

But I don’t give myself time to think about it, because this is what my life looks like every day:

I race around like a crazy person in between Madison’s naps:

Ok, first, I’ll make tea. Then, I’ll pee (hey look at that – I rhymed!). Then, I’ll soak the beans for dinner. Then, I’ll make a grocery list. Oh shit. Now I have to figure out what to make. Ok. I’ll figure out what to make, and then I’ll make the list. Then I’ll do some of my body exercises. But wait – when will I shower? And I should try to get some yoga in if I can…or a hike? I wonder when Ted will be home and if he can watch baby for a bit while I exercise…Shoot – I have to write a blog post. And what am I going to make for the next cooking video?

I spend an hour trying to figure out what to get started on, and just as soon as I commit to something, baby wakes up.

My problem is twofold: First, I put too much on my plate, and second, because of that, I am crippled by indecision because I don’t know what to prioritize and start with first.

The other day, I was racing through a video edit of my latest cooking video (yeah, the vegan caesar salad that is so good that I made it 3 times in a week). I was 99% finished when Madison started waking up from her nap.

During that nap, I had managed to do a half an hour of body exercises for my diastasis before the edit, so I’d call that a productive nap!

Once Madison is awake, it’s all about baby (as I believe it should be). Sure, we cook together, and she plays independently, but I certainly can’t just leave her alone and go about my day. I’m on baby duty! So everything I do for myself gets put on hold until the next nap, or until bedtime (and by then, I’m in no mental state to do anything except to watch House of Cards – have you seen the new season? Best. Season. Ever.).

So as I was rushing off to get baby up from her nap, feeling like I had been ripped away from the computer, I said to Ted, “What the hell am I doing all of this for? I do these videos and blog posts bi-weekly. At first, I was really clear about the why: I love writing, I have a lot to say (can we say chatty kathy?), and I’m so passionate about making healthy food taste good that – as a recovering sugar addict who only ever ate hot dogs and ketchup and chocolate cake and chips and cream soda and bread and pasta with butter when I was little who now only eats green stuff and mostly veggies – I wanted to show other people how easy it was to do too (insert deep breath here). But now what? I race around the house trying to get stuff done (cooking, groceries, showering, peeing, exercising) that my blog posts and videos are rushed and become an afterthought rather than something planned.”

WHAT. AM. I. DOING. THIS. ALL. FOR?????

Before Ted can answer my run on sentence and jumble of a thousand thoughts, I run off to retrieve my delightful, cooing baby girl.

I’m sure this was all building up, but it was definitely exacerbated by the recent viewing of I am Not Your Guru (the documentary about Tony Robbins) and a subsequent viewing of the interview he did with Marie Forleo (watch it here – it’s got some good stuff in it).

According to Tony Robbins (and I agree), success without fulfillment isn’t success.

And because everything is really cloudy right now, because I race around trying to “fit” things into my life rather than fully showing up for them, 100% present, I’m not feeling fulfilled.

According to psychologist, John Bradshaw, we give time to what we love.

So…what am I giving my time to?

I made a list in response to the question.

Then I made a list of all of the things I’d like to be giving time to.

Then, I made a list of the things/people I love (to make sure I’m giving time to them too).

Finally, I cross referenced those things with what I actually have time to do. Realistically (because for some reason I also have to abide by this whole 24 hour clock nonsense, just like everyone else).

Armed with that list, I was reminded of something I once heard from Arianna Huffington’s Third Metric. I forget who said it, but she said, “You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at the same time.”

Son of a nutcracker.

Why can’t I just be wonder woman? Life would be so much easier that way (and spandexy too!).

To help me with my too full, stacked-way-too-high plate of stuff to do, I sought out advice from the lady herself, Marie Forleo (this episode).

She asked me (and the thousands of other viewers):

What are your 3 top business priorities and 3 top personal priorities right now?

Furthermore, if you had to say goodbye to 3 projects or “shoulds” from you calendar and eliminate them completely, what would they be?

Armed with my questions, now I can part the seas to figure out just what I’m doing.

Because I need to figure this out. I need to be at peace with whatever I decide to be and do moving forward. Because I want my daughter to have a role model she can look up to, someone who loves what they see when they look in the mirror, someone who is not only proud of the path they have chosen but who also shows up fully for it and everything she does – from tying her shoes to writing a bestselling novel.

In order to be that role model, I have to ask myself tough questions right now. Questions like:

Is it enough for me to be a mom right now and let everything else go?

I have a kids’ book I wrote over a year ago that I haven’t gotten around to editing or publishing. Should I pursue it?

I’ve got publications I want to write more consistently for that I simply haven’t had any thinking space to devote to doing it for. Should I create space for them?

I’ve got my blog. I’ve got my cooking videos. I’ve got my injury (diastasis) to take care of. Those feel like must dos to me.

I have relationships with my friends to uphold. And they are like family, so they must have space in my life!

And most importantly, I have my family. They are – hands down – my #1 priority right now.

That’s a long list for someone with not a lot of time to spare.

So the question is:

Can I do it all right now? And if not, what can I let go of?

(This is a time when I’m really glad there is no Talenti in the freezer, because I would be half way through it by now. All of this digging through and picking apart my life usually sends me running for the hills – and the sugar. Somebody quick – throw me a freakin’ Oreo over here!! But make sure it’s vegan and gluten free, mmmkay? Mmmkay.).

Barring my lack of sugar, I think I’m starting to get clear on the answers to these questions, and as this blog post holds evident, I’ve decided to keep writing.

I’ll keep you posted about everything else as I figure it out, but if you find yourself feeling a little (or a lot) unfulfilled in some or many areas of your life, consider doing the exercise I just did.

What do you love?

What are you giving time to?

What would you like to/rather be giving time to?

What is realistic for you?

What top 3 priorities do you have in business right now? How about in your personal life?

What business or personal items on your list can you let go of for now?

I think our sense of fulfillment and happiness will almost certainly be a moving target. But if we can keep ourselves on our toes, never accept mediocrity, and always question our life and our direction, I think we stand a strong chance of living a happy, healthy, and most importantly, fulfilled life.

Shall we?