Ah, relationships. We tend to long for them when we don’t have them, but complain about them when we do.

Ok, that’s not an entirely fair statement. But you have to admit, it holds a lot of truth.

And the truth is, relationships are work. Even if you find your most perfect match, you still have to put in the time and the work to stay in love, respect each other, and have a healthy relationship. It just doesn’t work any other way. Times change. We grow into different versions of ourselves as the years go by, and if couples aren’t keeping up with the ways in which their partners are changing, a rift inevitably grows. If it’s not caught in time, couples find themselves on the fast track to divorce.

Last April, I wrote an article called, Conscious Coupling: 5 Ways to Keep You Consciously Coupled. It was a big hit, and I think it home for a lot of people. I still read it from time to time because my husband and I are now a full year further into our marriage. And though we do a good job of maintaining our relationship, it’s always good to have some extra help.

We have undoubtedly added some new tricks up our sleeves in our quest to stay consciously coupled, but with a new April upon us, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit the original five:

1. Don’t compare yourself to other couples. Well, at least, not in a negative way. All couples are different. Each party brings with them different backgrounds, values, finances, family histories and more to the relationship. If you think of it this way, relationships are like fingerprints: no two are the same. So if you often find yourself saying things like “look what he does for her, why don’t you do that for me too?” or “They’re going on another vacation – we never do that. Why can’t you make time for us to do that?” then you’re robbing yourself of a joyful and peaceful partnership. Don’t let comparison be the thief of your joy. Can comparison be a good thing? Yes, but only if you use it as guidance, taking a relationship you admire and using it to look deeper into your own relationship to see where there is room to grow and change. Comparison can spell doom for any relationship when it’s used as ammunition for finger pointing and blame.

2. Workout together. Hike. Run. Bike. Walk. Box. Jump rope. Go to a circuit workout class. Whatever it is. You’ll laugh, you’ll sweat, you’ll release endorphins, and maybe you’ll even sip on a shake together afterward. How romantic.

3. Continue dating throughout your marriage. No, I don’t mean dating other people (unless that’s the way you guys roll, in which case, all the power to you). I mean, date each other. Like you did in the beginning when you were getting to know each other. When you were dating. When you were making an effort to pick cool places to go to, restaurants to eat at. When you were agonizing over your outfit, your hairstyle, your new perfume or cologne. Go on a date with your spouse at least once a week, or at the very least, once every other week. And don’t cancel date nights! Life will creep up on you. It always does. And it will be easy to skip a date night because of it. But make that the exception, and not the rule. If you can make time for life, you can make time for date night. It’s imperative to the survival of your relationship. And don’t make this a mundane task. Surprise and delight each other. Gentlemen, show up with a rose. Ladies, shave your armpits and wear a pretty dress.

4. Love your body. Seriously. Love your body. As it is. Right now. I don’t care if you want to lose weight, get ripped, whatever. Those are great goals, and you should follow through with them. But your key to success will certainly be to start from where you are, and to love yourself as you are in this moment. So love your body right now, as it is, in all of its perfectly perfect imperfections. If you don’t love your whole body, pick a body part that you do love. Maybe it’s your eyes, your butt, or your lips. It will make you hold your head higher. You’ll feel more confident. As a result, you’ll pick less fights, let more things roll off your chest. Your confidence will be contagious, not to mention a huge turn on for your partner. And loving your body will put you in prime position to take on this final piece of advice:

5. Make like Sean Paul and Get busy. Look, I grew up in a household where fart was a swear word and babies came from storks, so I’d be lying if I told you I was entirely comfortable with talking about sex. But in any relationship, intimacy is extremely important. So do it. At least 3 times a week. Even if you’re feeling so tired your eyeballs feel like they might roll back into your head, or if you’re not feeling particularly sexy. It is not only guaranteed to make you feel happier, but it also acts to breath energy and vitality into your relationship.

(See the original article here.)

If you’d like a sixth tip to take away with you today, I would say this:

Couples who play together, stay together. It’s important to explore new things together, or even to try out things the other person likes. For example, I’m not much of a cyclist, but I know my husband enjoys it (that’s an understatement – I think he would sleep in his cycling kit if he could). So I have joined him in some cycling expeditions in the past, and will sometimes snuggle up with him on the couch as he faithfully watches his favorite cyclists on TV as they race to their stage finish.

And though he isn’t much of a chef, sometimes he gets in the kitchen with me and cooks, keeping me company and learning some new skills along the way.

What happens when we explore new things together in this way is that we break patterns and habits. And though those can be good sometimes, when we fall into their trap, particularly where relationships are concerned, they can lead us down an unhealthy path.

So if you’re in a relationship, I challenge you to do something new with your partner this week.

Have fun together. Play together. And with any luck, you will stay together.

Happy coupling!

Love, love, love,
Lauren
xxx