In this world of Facebook status updates and instagram postings, celebrities and their gossip news, it’s easy to get caught up in the facade of everyone’s seemingly perfect, glamorous, and easy lives.

Recently, a friend back home asked me, “Is your life as glamorous as it appears to be on Facebook?”

That comment made me stop in my tracks for 2 reasons. One, because yes, my life is amazing, and I’m grateful for it every day. And two, because well, no, it’s not always so amazing (and thank goodness, because if it were, how would I be able to tell the good times from the bad?). Facebook isn’t representative of my cranky, moody days, the days when I don’t want to keep on keeping on, the days where I would rather curl up in a ball and not do anything but watch mindless television or read trashy mystery novels while eating copious amounts of Snickers bars and Oreo cookies.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but all it captures is a single moment. And moments are fleeting. A single moment of, say, capturing a beautiful sunrise from the top of one of my weekly trail runs, is absolutely not representative of the nasty voices in my head 20 minutes prior to taking the photo. The ones that taunt me and say, “You’re not fast enough! Your legs hurt – you should stop. You can’t breathe. You can’t do this.” The final posted picture may look divine, but my head was nothing close to divinity. And yet I posted the photo with a smile and likely an inspiring quote, with absolutely no indication of the truer and fuller picture within the picture.

Thankfully for me, these moments of self deprecation are fleeting, which is likely why I don’t post those thoughts alongside my photos (could you imagine? “Beautiful sunrise but I suck at life!” So inspiring…) And since I’m working on quieting those unproductive thoughts, just as soon as they arrive, they are gone and replaced with happier, nicer ones.

Yet in light of recent news, you understand as much as I do that some of us just can’t shake those hateful voices. For some of us, it’s a chemical imbalance that mental fortitude doesn’t stand a chance against.

Robin Williams. Brilliant comedian. Amazing person. Great life. Could have anything and everything he could ever want. Or at least, that’s the story his pictures told. From the very start of his career, his moments were captured in photos that told the world, “I am awesome, I am happy, I am lucky. I have a great life.”

Unfortunately we know that the truth for Robin was the truth for us all to some degree: that those pictures of the happy, smiling, comedian weren’t capturing his darkest moments, the ones that plagued him so much that the only way he knew to stop the pain was to end his life.

His happy, amazing, glamorous life.

We saw his world from the outside looking in. A snapshot here, a smiling pose there. But he saw his world from the inside looking out, and unfortunately, the way he saw it, it didn’t look as good.

Life is what we make it, and we make it good or bad and everything in between through nothing more than our own personal perspectives. Nothing means anything until we give it meaning. And some of us are lucky enough to be able to control the voices in our heads that inevitably try to bring us down, to make us fearful. But for those of us who cannot, the result can be heartbreaking.

Thankfully I haven’t had to deal with depression for more than a few months in my life, and even when I was afflicted for a short time, I never felt so down that the only way to feel better was to literally stop my heart from beating. But I do know despair. I do know deep longing for pain to go away. And if those moments were multiplied to the point where I couldn’t see or feel anything else but that pain, well, I don’t know what I’d do.

And so I can’t judge. I won’t judge.

But what I can do – and what we can all do – is to be grateful for our mental wellness. Sure, things may be tough at times. We may go through unbelievable hurt and unthinkable pain. Heck, even the minor ups and downs of everyday life can get us down. But for us to be able to have the mental fortitude to know that this too shall pass, well, it seems that we are the better for it. We are the lucky ones. Because whether or not we are millionaires, superstars, or just regular people trying to make our way in this world, we are still here. We are still standing. Our hearts continue to beat. And when we feel like we need a little help from our friends, we seek it out. We know we are not alone in our despair.

If you’re someone who has strong mental fortitude, it’s fair to say that you’ve got some skills in place to keep you headstrong, whether you are aware of it or not.

I’m not a therapist, so I wouldn’t dream of recommending strategies for mental fortitude for anyone dealing with some kind of clinical depression or mental illness. But the truth is that we all get a little down sometimes, and it would serve us to have a bag of tricks to reach into when we need a little extra push to get us from despair to happiness.

Here are 10 things I do when I’m feeling down:

1. Be aware.

If I notice that I’m starting to fade while I’m working, or starting to fall into a bad mood, that’s all the information I need to know. I’m heading into a downward spiral, and I need to get out of it. This awareness is the first step. Notice your own patterns, and when you recognize that you’re starting to head down a dark path, stop what you’re doing and move onto the next points.

2. Check in with yourself. Practice HALT:

Am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired? The HALT tool is often applied to food in relation to emotional eating, but I think it’s just as effective for mental fortitude as well. If you’re hungry, eat something healthy and nourishing to replenish you. If you’re angry, find out why, and try to get to the bottom of it. If you’re lonely, call a friend. And if you’re tired, sleep! Even if you’re at work. My dad used to keep a couch in his office and take power naps throughout the day. Heck, the Huffington Post even has a nap room!! If you don’t have that luxury at your company, find a way to get some shut eye if you know you need it. At the very least, go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet with your eyes closed for 5 minutes. It just might rejuvenate you.

3. Remind yourself that this too shall pass.

It really will. Nothing lasts forever.

4. Practice visualization.

Either imagine a time when you were really happy and feeling great, and go there in your mind. Or daydream about a time when you will be happy. This could be as far into the future as the end of the day when you get to go home and see your kids and spouse or head out for drinks with friends. And it can be as far into the future as when you buy your first house, sell your company, or go on vacation. Whatever it is for you, imagine who you are with, where you are in the world, what you are doing. Try to notice everything around you. Hold onto that thought and let it guide you out of the threatening dark cloud.

5. Ask for help.

Call a friend. Talk to your spouse. See a therapist. Do what you need to do to get into a better head space. You can’t make effective decisions if your mind is plaguing you. And if you can’t get there yourself, make like Joe Cocker and ask for a little help from your friends.

6. Don’t be a hero.

Asking for help is tough for some people, because it means admitting that you’re not ok, or at least, not perfect. But don’t be fooled. No one is always ok, and no one is ever perfect. We all need a little help from time to time, and some of us more often. That doesn’t make us weak. It makes us smart, and more importantly, strong. Being courageous means reaching out for help, not suffering through it alone. So don’t be a hero. Or rather, be a modern day hero. I’m certain that modern day heroes ask for help when they need it.

7. Meditate.

I know I keep coming back to this, but sometimes all you need to do is slow things down for a minute. But if sitting in lotus pose and meditating for 10 minutes sounds like your idea of a nightmare, and will only serve to make you even more stressed out, redefine what meditation means to you. Maybe it means laying down and just thinking about nothing, or day dreaming about your future. Maybe it means going for a run or a walk. Maybe it means going to see a movie. Define your own meditation and practice it when you need to.

8. Remember to breathe.

Thankfully, your body remembers to breathe for you, so you don’t have to put that on your ever growing to-do list. But when we get too stressed, some of us tend to hold our breath. Are you doing it now? Check in with yourself multiple times a day and make sure you’re breathing. If nothing else, it will help to get more oxygen to your brain which will help to increase your energy and mental clarity.

9. Take a break.

I have a tendency to muscle through everything. Don’t do that. Take a break. Whether that means taking an hour long nap in a day, taking a 2 week vacation, or whatever it is, take a break from life to collect yourself. Take a load off. Your brain will thank you for it.

10. Exercise.

Seriously. It never fails. Physical activity always makes me feel better, whether I get up at 4:30am to do it, or do it at 7pm when I have every excuse in the book not to. Moving your body not only increases your happy hormones, but it also encourages the energy flow around the body, which acts like a mini detox to clean out your system. That includes your mind.

None of these points will be able to replace the hole that was created on Monday when Robin Williams ended his pain, and ultimately, his life. And though it wasn’t captured in pictures, the pain was very real to him, much more so than the happy-go-lucky pictures and videos told us.

And though you may not be suffering from some kind of debilitating disease, it’s important to know that even regular trials and tribulations of life can lead to dark decisions, and ultimately, dark places. So arm yourself against them, honor those who couldn’t, and live happy.

Love, love, love,

Lauren
xxx

Photo credit: BagoGames/flickr