“But I don’t wanna!” I would say whenever my mother would try to get me to eat my broccoli (or – let’s face it – anything green that wasn’t smothered in cheese whiz).

Actually, it sounded more like, “I don’t wannaaaaaaaaaa!”

(Recall your childhood emPHAsis on the As: No-aaaaaaaaaaaaa! Yes-aaaaaaaaaaaa!

Ugh)

As obnoxious as it sounds, if you really think about it, it’s such a breath of fresh air! The honesty, I mean. How honest we could be as children, having no fear of the consequences, no fear that our telling the absolute truth (or our annoying tendency to get stuck on the As at the end of our words) would make us look weak!

Can you imagine saying that to your boss?

“Johnson, copy these papers for me,” says your boss.

“But I don’t wanna,” you would way (with less emphasis on the A because you’re an adult now. Duh), as you stomped your feet as loudly as you could and slammed the door to your office for full effect.

I promise I’m going somewhere with this (more than just a trip down memory lane to the time you were a tantrum-prone, fearless child who really enjoyed being the center of the universe).

I’m a big fan of internet star and business coach, Marie Forleo. She’s kind of awesome. She speaks my kind of speak. And without even knowing me, she believes that there is something in me – something special – that only I can bring to the world.

That’s pretty cool. And thoughtful.

Hey, thanks Marie.

I recently listened to an hour long training she did called, “How To Get Anything You Want” (yup – I fell for the title, hook, line and sinker. I want to live in a world where I get anything I want! Don’t you?). I figured she was just going to tell me things that I already knew, but I reasoned that I probably needed to hear them again anyway (I was right. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get through my thick skull.).

Among many of her nuggets of knowledge, Marie reframed something for me that I already knew, but she worded it in such a powerful way that I had to stop what I was doing (I was cooking) to rewind the recording, listen to it again, and write that s*&t down.

Wanna know what she said?

I bet you do.

Ok. Since you asked nicely and all, I’ll tell you.

It’s actually not so much what she said so much as it was what she asked:

Who or what are you blaming for not having the life you want right now?

And tell me, how is that working out for you? (I added this question. Seemed logical).

She said, and I quote, “when you blame other things for the reason you’re not where you are, you give up your power to change it.”

BOOM.

Let that sink in for a few minutes…

Ok…

Proceed.

So, what does Marie suggest?

Swap out the word “can’t” with “won’t.”

I can’t make any money! vs. I won’t make any money.
I can’t find the time to work out! vs I won’t make the time to work out.
I can’t eat healthy! vs. I won’t eat healthy.

With the flip of a single word, you totally shift responsibility onto yourself. This may not seem attractive, but think about it: if you are 100% responsible for your life, then you have 100% power to change it. That’s pretty cool, don’t ya think?

This practice may seem obvious, but how many times have you used the word “can’t” today?

You may have a bunch of very valid stories or excuses that have you saying, “But Lauren! I really can’t do X, Y, or Z! I have 17 children! ! I’m too tired! I’m broke! I’m too old! I’m too broken! And, gosh darn it, I have responsibilities!”

Ok. Totally. Sure. Those are valid reasons (especially the 17 children one. Woah. That’s a lot of humans you’ve made there…!).

But are those excuses helping you to achieve the things you keep saying you want to have in your life?

If the answer is yes, try replacing your can’ts with won’ts and see where you’re really choosing to place your effort and energy.

Look, I’m not saying you can do it all (be a mom/dad, launch a new business, workout, eat healthy and – oh yeah – save the world all at the same time), and if you’re anything like me, you need to give yourself a break from trying to be a super human (but you can still keep the spandex costume, mmmkay?). But I bet there are some areas in your life where you really could make a strong shift by admitting that you’re simply not creating the time to do what you want because of fear, laziness, fatigue, or insert-excuse-here.

Again, it doesn’t matter if it’s valid or not. An excuse is an excuse is an excuse. No one is judging it as good or bad except for you. But you can’t complain that you’re not getting ahead in your life in the areas in which you claim to want to be getting ahead in if you’re not taking responsibility for the excuses that you – and you alone – are allowing to hold you back.

(Wow. That was a long sentence.)

Take stock of where you’re at and where you want to be. Subtract your responsibilities and the 24 hour clock, and see what you have left. If you only have five extra minutes a day to devote to something you want to achieve, and you devote that five minutes to it every day for 365 days, that’s a whole lot of minutes and work that could lead to something great that wouldn’t otherwise have a shot in hell of coming to fruition if you wrote off those five minutes as too little time (it’s 1825 minutes, to be exact, which is about 30 hours).

I cannot emphasize this practice enough: When you use the word “won’t” instead of “can’t”, it forces you to take full responsibility for your life. And that’s awesome.

Because like it or not, you are 100% responsible for the results you have or don’t have in your life. It’s not your parents who “messed you up”. It’s not the government who is trying to “steal your money.” It’s not your age or society, or your shitty education that is the reason you can’t get ahead.

It’s you.

Ouch. I know.

The truth hurts. But it can also set you free.

As Marie says (she’s so smart), “No matter what happened in your past or what’s happening now, when you blame others, when you don’t willingly take 100% responsibility for what’s happening in your life, you give up the power to change it.”

BOOM again!

If life truly is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it, then the only thing you can change in that equation is your attitude. “If something is important to you, you’ll make the time. If it’s not, you’ll make an excuse (another Marie quote).”

Period.

Marie ended that portion of her training by asking me to do the following assignment, and I will ask you to do the same. It’s two parts.

Are you ready?

Ok.

STEP 1: List 5 things you want to have in your life right now.

(hint: more money, a great job, a beautiful house, a family, etc. Be specific. If it’s a family, what does that look like? Biological or adopted children? Husband or wife? Boyfriend or girlfriend? You get the picture)

STEP 2: What are the top 10 excuses that are stopping you from doing what you want to do?

Go through the list of things you want and list 10 excuses next to each one of them (spoiler alert: you may notice a trend).

(hint: I’m not good enough, I’m too scared, I don’t have enough time, I don’t have enough education, I don’t have the right connections, I’m not in the right financial bracket, I had crappy parents who set me up for failure, I have too many kids to deal with, I’m too sick, I want it to be happening a different way, etc.)

Once you can see what you’re allowing to hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams, you can then begin to change your excuses. Obliterate them. Because they are nothing more than a story that holds you back from getting what it is that you keep claiming you want.

You have the power to change your life. No one said it would be easy. But you do have the power. Every moment is an opportunity to make a better choice. Every moment presents you with an opportunity to choose a better attitude, to choose a better story, to choose not to be ruled by your excuses but rather, to rule them. There is a lot of power in that.

So come – take life into your own hands. No one else can do that for you.

It’s all you, baby!

So go on out and get it. Life is waiting for you. And it’s oh so beautiful on the other side of can’t!

Love, love, love,
Lauren
xxx