When I say the words, “self care,” what comes to mind?

If you’re anything like me, you sheepishly try to hide from the screen, hoping that I can’t somehow see through your computer and into your mind, which is giving you up with every flashing thought.

“Self care?” you say to yourself. “Is that like brushing your teeth before you go to bed? Eating breakfast? Making sure your socks are matching before heading out the door in the morning? Then yes, yes, and yes. Phew!”

No, sweet friend. Self care is much deeper than that. It’s listening to your body when it’s telling you (rather – begging you) to rest. It’s taking yourself on a mini vacation. It’s having a glass of wine with your friends after a long week. And it’s not feeling guilty when you do any of those things.

Self care is about giving yourself the permission to relax, to put yourself first. Because no matter who is in your life, and no matter who loves you, the only person who can truly take care of you, is you.

My life has been voluntarily jam packed for…well…ever, but definitely more so in recent months. One of the things I’ve added to my schedule is a year long health coaching certification program. As I make my way through the course, learning how to be a health coach, there is an incredible amount of attention paid to the notion of self care. So much so that I can’t ignore it anymore.

Obviously this is no accident. The universe works in infinite and mysterious ways, and I’m the first person to admit that I am the very last person on my list of people to take care of. And I know this is detrimental. I just want to keep going and going until I collapse, and then get up and do it some more. I’m just built that way.

Of course, that last sentence is a fallacy. No one is built that way. We have been conditioned and have become that way. Being busy or calm or any particular way of being is a choice, one that we retain control over regardless of the circumstances that exist to blame it on (i.e “My mother was this way so I am too.” Or I don’t have any money so I have to work and it’s stressful,” and so on).

And so I freely admit that I need to work on the self care portion of my life. As I said earlier, my inclination – my choice – is to push, push, and push some more. Get up at 5:30am. Journal until 6am. Take that morning conference call. Meet the girls for a run at 7:15am. Work until 6pm. Ok, 8pm. Ok sometimes 10pm. Make dinner somewhere in there. Work after dinner too. Read before bed. Pass out with the book open in my lap. Get up to the annoying sound of my iPhone alarm and do it all over again.

In recent months, I don’t even take weekends off anymore. So now my days just meld into each other, with no semblance of balance or self care evident in any portion of the week.

I know this isn’t sustainable – nor do I want it to be. And so today I’m making a change. And if you’re anything like me, and you need some guidance in this department, here are some tips to get you started:

1. Play hookie for a day.

That’s right: call in sick. Take a personal day. Do yourself a favor and pick a day in your work week that isn’t as busy. This way, you won’t shoot yourself in the foot when you get back to work. And on that glorious day off – do whatever you want:

Sit in front of the TV, eat your favorite ice cream, and watch a marathon of your favorite movies or shows. Take a day trip to a place you love close by. Maybe it’s a winery? Take yourself out to lunch, brunch, or dinner. Have whatever you want. Don’t look at the prices on the menu. Just get what you want. And if you’re not driving and like to drink, go ahead and have a cocktail! Go shopping. Buy that item you’ve been obsessing over for months. You deserve it. Get a mani or pedi. Get a massage. Take a spa day. Or spend the entire day reading.

Whatever you do, do what you love. Don’t make it about anyone else other than yourself. Take a You day. Because you need some time to nurture all of your fabulousness so you can go on being the fabulous you (for the purposes of this article, I’m assuming that you, indeed, are fabulous. In case no one has told you lately, allow me: you are fabulous. Thank you for being born).

2. Journal.

Try as you might, you can’t play hookie every day. Besides – it would lose its meaning if you did. But you can journal every day. I’ve journaled throughout my life, though admittedly not consistently. But since I started this nutrition course, I’ve been journaling daily. I am pleasantly surprised to report that it really helps to get the cobwebs out of my mind, leaving me better able to focus on having a happy day.

My latest trend? Thanks to Julia Cameron of The Artist’s Way, I do something she calls morning pages: As soon as you get up in the morning – before your morning tea or coffee – you write 3 pages worth of thoughts. It’s a stream of consciousness, so it can be anything that comes to mind: I’m tired. My back hurts. I hate my bed. I have to pee. I should really call so-and-so today. I want to be a rockstar. That would be cool.

Whatever comes to your mind, don’t judge it, just write it. Write 3 pages, and then put it away. Heck – burn it if you’re worried about someone finding it! But those pages are important, because they not only free your mind of those pesky little thoughts that may have otherwise tried to bother you throughout the day, but also, they plant the seed of thoughts deep in your subconscious that you may not have realized you had. And these thoughts may be the reason you leave your desk job for a career as an Elvis impersonator next year. Who knows?! Either way, morning pages leaves you clear to have a happy day, you fabulous person, you!

3. Meditate.

Don’t argue with me. Just do it. I am the last person who would ever want to meditate. The thought of being alone with my incredibly noisy, equally bossy, very critical, at times obnoxious mind is, well, not a pleasant one. And yet I do it. Because that mind of mine doesn’t want me to do it. It knows that meditation will calm it down, and it would much rather go on shouting orders at me, thank you very much. Um, thanks for your input, but no thank you, mind. And so now, once a day – sometimes twice a day – I meditate.

It has the effect of setting the tone for my day: will it be frazzled and stressed or calm and mellow? Interestingly enough, you get to decide the tone of your day, and meditation makes it much easier to choose the most productive one. If you’re reading this and having a panic attack, telling yourself you will skip this one because you cannot be trusted alone with your thoughts for more than 30 seconds, I have a solution for you: practice a guided meditation. You can get them anywhere. Oprah is having a free 21 day meditation starting August 11. Try that one. See how it feels. They are available for purchase should you decide you like it. And there are tons of other programs out there to choose from.

4. Do something you love every single day.

Identify something you really love to do. Something that doesn’t require too much money, or even leaving the house: reading a book or magazine, playing an instrument, playing around on Pinterest, cooking, baking, chatting with friends on the phone, watching a show. Now make sure you take the time to do that every single day. Yes – every single day.

Listen, you work every single day, don’t you? Or at least 5 days a week? When you work, you work hours and hours a day. So it’s fair to say that you can easily take at least 30 minutes out of every day to do something you love, something for fun, something that replenishes you. I promise it will make you much happier. It gives you something to look forward to every day. Start with 30 minutes. Then gradually work your way up to more.

5. Revisit your goals.

Have you checked in with yourself lately? Where is your life headed? What direction are you going in? Take some time to revisit your goals and notice what’s important to you today. If you’re spending your time and energy on things you don’t even want anymore, it’s wreaking havoc on your mind. And why waste your precious time doing things you don’t want to do, particularly if it’s taking you in a direction you don’t even want to go anymore?

Look, we’re always going to have to do things we don’t want to do in the pursuit of a bigger goal. But if we’re doing things we don’t want to do anymore in the pursuit of a goal we don’t even want anymore, it’s counterproductive, not to mention contributing to your undeniable internal stress. So take some time to check in with yourself. Create a new vision for your life if that’s what’s needed. Or adjust the one you had before. Identify what’s working, get rid of what’s not, and set some new goals that make your heart smile.

Alright, be free! Go play hookie! Go have fun! Give yourself permission to take care of you. Otherwise, what’s the point? What are you working so hard toward if you can’t enjoy yourself along the way, every single day?

Yes, work hard. But play hard too. And if you’re in need of some ideas for what to do on your hookie days, or in your 30 minutes of You time each day, see below.

Now leave me be. I have a book to read, a piano to play, and some ice cream that needs eating!

Love, love, love,

Lauren
xxx

Stumped for ideas? Here are some that can help:

• Read a book
• Take a nature walk
• Take a walk around the neighborhood
• Go see a movie
• Call some friends and head out to a meal
• Play an instrument
• Listen to music and dance and sing at the top of your lungs
• Cook
• Take a nap
• Lay down on the couch and watch a movie
• Order in from your favorite restaurant and have a movie night, either solo or with someone else
• Get busy – that’s right, if you have a partner, turn down the lights and make some love! And if you don’t, use your imagination 🙂
• Exercise
• Go to the store and buy a bunch of magazines that you wouldn’t normally buy. Spend a few guiltless hours reading them.
• Design your dream home on Pinterest!
• Practice your favorite craft: draw, paint, collage, scrapbooking
• Pretend you are a tourist in your hometown and see/do something you’ve never seen/done before
• Sign up for a class you’ve always wanted to take but never made the time to: cooking class, learn a new language, singing lessons – whatever makes your heart smile.
• Take yourself out for a night on the town, but be safe: use a taxi, or Lift, or uber
• Make a plan and set a date for your next vacation: research where you will go, stay, do. See if you can wrangle some friends to commit to going with you if you want